Maintaining one's spirit

I hate how the daily grind of living with hidden disabilities makes me feel. I hate that I feel powerless. I hate that I have to keep my paperwork perfect and watch every word I say or write, but that the others can be as incompetent as the days are long with no consequence. I hate that I have no say. I hate that I have to take their careless remarks at face-value, but that I cannot make similar remarks to counter theirs. I hate that no matter what actions I take, how sympathetic I am, and how reasonable, balanced, and objective my observations and statements are, I am not listened to.

I am the enemy and nothing I say is true and it is all geared to take advantage of the system. I would weep if I had the energy. I would scream if it would do any good.

All I can do is plod on, day after day. This is the definition of insanity. Doing the same thing and expecting a different result. It's the end of the school year, and I've convinced one person of the truth of my words. One. She's promised to explain everything to the teachers next year (if she is still around - that's ominous). Well, I did that this school year, to no avail. Perhaps because she is one of them, she will have a different result from mine. After all, what do I, the parent, know?

I could go into my bona fides:

1. Profession: Solutions Architect in an approximately 14,000 person company for the Training and Simulation Service Line, employing about 1,000 people, where I design and develop solutions, methods and approaches that apply technology as required to training, education, simulation, and analysis problems for the government and other customers.
2. Professional Experience: Applied all stages of the ADDIE model (Analysis, Design, Develop, Implement, and Evaluation) for training and professional education courseware development. 
• Determination of course requirements, learning objectives, desired mastery level in terms of Bloom's taxonomy, identification of essential skill requirements for government professional development and training
• Design of courses  for government professional development and training
• Development of courses for government professional development and training. undergraduate math, graduate engineering management, and continuing education courses
• Teaching at the college level and for professional development courses. 
• Individual tutoring of students at various skill levels, including students with LD.
• Development of course evaluation criteria and student rubrics and evaluation instruments
• Implementation of course evaluation surveys and student testing
• Development, design, and application of analytic studies and methods to include the development analytic instruments (qualitative and quantitative) for various objectives to include education.
3. Professional Skills: Articulate professional with experience speaking to and briefing corporate executives, general officers, Congressman, and others in formal and informal settings. 
• Approximately two dozen peer reviewed publications, including three journal articles, one of which I was the primary author.
• One of six nominees for best paper in the largest international conference dedicated to training and education.
4. Professional Education: Advanced degrees in math and math related disciplines that include an emphasis on instrumentation, statistics, data analysis, and data analysis methods.
5. Personal Experience: Diagnosed with ADHD as an adult, having a significant repertoire of tools, techniques and coping mechanisms that have led to significant scholastic and professional successes. Work with my son daily to develop similar skills.
6. Informal Education: significant reading about ADHD, LD, executive function, special education processes, etc.

This would do little good and only antagonize them more.

Nope, it's clear that I know nothing, and my word cannot be taken. How do they manage to make me feel so small, insignificant, irrelevant, and incompetent? How do they make me feel like nothing I do, nothing I can do, matters?

I hate the way this process, dealing with these hidden disabilities, makes me feel.

Trying to understand

I am some one who tries to understand where someone else is coming from.  Developing this understanding for teachers is no less of interest and more important to me because I have to work with them everyday. The heart of negotiation is understanding the other person.  Being a woman who went to college and joined a sorority, I have many, many connections to teachers, a good number of whom are special educators. This allows more, or perhaps forces me, to more outside my narrow field of view with my son and our struggles.  

Still, I've struggled to understand some of the venom I see regarding pay, working hours, the job requirements, and time off from the teachers and the modern day memes that float around.  Teachers have never been paid well. Recognizing that no one gets paid the average and that the data sources are undisclosed, and possibly skewed (Does it include supervisors, administrators, and teachers aides or only qualified teachers in the classroom? Your elementary school math teacher should be able to explain why it matters.), the average teacher salary is higher than the median income for a family of four. I have three sharp memories from eleventh grade English. One of them was of my teacher complaining every single day that she didn't get paid enough to do her job. Teachers having low pay is nothing new. To get paid well, one goes into a STEM.field.  

Then there are the days off. Well, facts are facts, teachers get many, many more days out of their "office" than the rest of us who work.  Better yet, when their children are out of school, they have many few days they have to make childcare arrangements for them.  This can run thousands of dollars in the summer alone and comes off the top of the non-teacher's salary. I am not talking about the choice to find something and somewhere for the children to do and go in the summer; I am talking about necessity. Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining.  That's the choice the non-teacher parent made. However, to compare apples to apples you need to prorate time off against total salary and lop off the top childcare expenses to get effective salary.  I know this isn't a logical argument, though doing this little exercise in math is enlightening.  It doesn't take the teacher to STEM salaries, but that's the nature of the beast.

Work hours. It's hard to know where to start on this one.  No one I know working in a professional occupation works a forty hour workweek.  No one. Having teachers complain about a fundamental work requirement (not one that was hidden either) that we all also endure is insulting. I'd be willing to take it out of the prorated math against salary above if those other salary situations being compared had the same consideration. Again, the arguments aren't logical.

The last complaint of work conditions has merit. It's why I never even considered being a teacher. I don't know how it escaped the attention of our teachers of today, but the thought of dealing with administrators and parents at the expense of actually teaching was more than I could bear. However, I've always felt that this argument isn't, or rather shouldn't be, about the number of hours preparing for class or grading papers and the low salaries that attend it. No, it should be about the teaching itself. Everything should flow from that single source. Now, instead of projecting themselves as whiners who just want more, they are experts who care about our children's future.  It is the truth, too.  

I made a lot of counter-arguments. What did I learn?

I don't think that any of those reactionary postings, editorial, and blogs are about the logical issues I already discussed.  I don't expect my teacher friends to agree with my arguments, but neither are those arguments the point. Sitting at my desk this morning, preparing to work on a "snow day," I came to the realization this morning that the complaints are in reaction to the snide way in which people devalue our teachers' contribution by remarking about how "lucky they are that ..." Often for people, who not only never set foot in a classroom, but likely, don't spend much time helping with homework or sharing traumatic situations at home that could affect learning and behavior or any number of similar things.  It's the superiority and disdain that makes the reaction an immediately defensive one. 

I still believe the teachers and teachers unions would do much better ignoring everything except what should be done in the classrooms and homes to improve learning. Ignore pay and work hours.  It's a losing argument and wins no sympathies.  Also, the burden of testing needs to be ignored, or rather reframed.  Stop focusing on "not do" and start focusing on "do." Why is there testing? Why are there common core standards? Neither are evil, and both have their roots in well established principles of instruction.  These are not the enemy.  However, everyone is so focused on what they don't want and ridding the system of what is wrong, no seems to have a cogent opinion of how to meet the identified needs with what should be done.  Throw out the bath water and the baby.

I think that I do understand now.  It's a question of emotion and value.  Until those needs are addressed, no progress with be made.